I just need to break free from this self-criticism attitude. It is very hard as I had let it defined my reality for so long,partly thanks to my upbringing.
When I was young I never felt beautiful@i always thought I'm ugly.That's because my mom always emphasized on my minus points-my nose.She kept reminding me how my nose is a shame and how unattractive I look.I always believe this until I grew up and went to secondary school.
There I met friends which to the current society standard of beauty is plain.Very very plain.Nothing flattering.Yet they couldn't care less.In fact look has never ever been an issue in their life.Never. They never think they are lesser than any other people.They are confident,and they make you feel good being around them.My perception about myself changed.
Ever since then,I learned to not swallow everything my mom said anymore.
footnote: No ugly women in this world.Only lazy ones.
Wednesday, 30 December 2015
Monday, 28 December 2015
On introverts
I was born a natural introvert.
When I was a kid I don't have many friends.I don't like to socialize with people.I think the world outside moves too fast for me and I can't cope.I think people talk a lot about many unnecessary things.I never initiate conversation with strangers. I don't like family occasions.I'd rather spend time in my room reading or listening to music.
But I was a bright child,mind u.Not all introvert kids are less brainy.I did well in school.
I guess my social skills gets better as I grow up.When I was in standard 5&6 my English improved a lot and I basically can converse in English without any problem(with grammatical errors here and there of course) and that gained me more friends especially among the Chinese.I remember there was this clever boy who sat next to me in standard 2.He never get any number in exam lesser than one.He said if u want to talk to me,u have to talk in either Mandarin or English only!
When I was in junior high I studied in all girls school.Friends remember me as someone who's pleasant and get along well with other people.They said I'm generous with smiles.I really enjoyed those years.
When I was in university I had very few friends.Mostly my roommates and floormates.Life was a little mundane for me those years....
Then came the toughest time in the period of my whole life-housemanship.Those were the years I decided to change....or rather it changed me completely.Working 14 hours non-stop for weeks dawn to dusk and forced to deal with human characters of various kinds....I changed.Really.But for the better.I become firmer in character,more confident in dealing with people and I began to adjust easily towards the presence of others.
Today, I don't have problem talking to strangers anymore but rather I'm cautious about choosing friends.
And basically these days I don't give a damn as much.I do pretty much as I please and I care less about what other people think. I don't think this is a trait associated with introverts but I'm not sure if I'm an introvert anymore now...
When I was a kid I don't have many friends.I don't like to socialize with people.I think the world outside moves too fast for me and I can't cope.I think people talk a lot about many unnecessary things.I never initiate conversation with strangers. I don't like family occasions.I'd rather spend time in my room reading or listening to music.
But I was a bright child,mind u.Not all introvert kids are less brainy.I did well in school.
I guess my social skills gets better as I grow up.When I was in standard 5&6 my English improved a lot and I basically can converse in English without any problem(with grammatical errors here and there of course) and that gained me more friends especially among the Chinese.I remember there was this clever boy who sat next to me in standard 2.He never get any number in exam lesser than one.He said if u want to talk to me,u have to talk in either Mandarin or English only!
When I was in junior high I studied in all girls school.Friends remember me as someone who's pleasant and get along well with other people.They said I'm generous with smiles.I really enjoyed those years.
When I was in university I had very few friends.Mostly my roommates and floormates.Life was a little mundane for me those years....
Then came the toughest time in the period of my whole life-housemanship.Those were the years I decided to change....or rather it changed me completely.Working 14 hours non-stop for weeks dawn to dusk and forced to deal with human characters of various kinds....I changed.Really.But for the better.I become firmer in character,more confident in dealing with people and I began to adjust easily towards the presence of others.
Today, I don't have problem talking to strangers anymore but rather I'm cautious about choosing friends.
And basically these days I don't give a damn as much.I do pretty much as I please and I care less about what other people think. I don't think this is a trait associated with introverts but I'm not sure if I'm an introvert anymore now...
Sunday, 27 December 2015
I need an inspiration
I haven't been writing for so long.
The only reason I didn't write for so long is because I don't have anything to say, which is actually not true.But the truth is there are so many things happening after all these years that in the end I do not know how to begin.
But life...It's a journey full of experiences and surprises.
Indeed Allah has made this life as a test to see amongst u who are the best in the their conducts and remembrance of Him.
I learned today that reading Quran sharpens my senses.It is like a cloth that cleans away dust on a mirror that enables it to reflect the light of God.
So I shall be able to see the truth.
Praises be to Allah for giving me what I have today
The only reason I didn't write for so long is because I don't have anything to say, which is actually not true.But the truth is there are so many things happening after all these years that in the end I do not know how to begin.
But life...It's a journey full of experiences and surprises.
Indeed Allah has made this life as a test to see amongst u who are the best in the their conducts and remembrance of Him.
I learned today that reading Quran sharpens my senses.It is like a cloth that cleans away dust on a mirror that enables it to reflect the light of God.
So I shall be able to see the truth.
Praises be to Allah for giving me what I have today
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